“These are the best years of your life.” “I can’t wait to watch you thrive.” “You’re going to meet your lifelong best friends.”
If I had a dollar for every time someone said these things to me, I could go to college debt free.
In a time where conversations on mental health are more prevalent than ever, I don’t think the reality behind starting college is talked about enough. Instead, every family member, friend or even the random person on your parent’s Facebook tell you how great college is going to be and how much fun you’re going to have.
Over the past month at the University of South Carolina, I’ve had to teach myself hard lessons. I had to retrain myself to be okay with the process of starting a new journey and to not focus on the things other people were saying. I felt completely alone because I thought I was struggling with this while everyone else was happy and living up to college expectations. If it wasn’t for my family and close friends, I would have reached a dark place that nobody should get reach due to the lack of conversation revolving around the issue.
But there are other people who feel this way, and in an attempt to help whoever it is that feels completely alone in their struggle, there are three things that you should know about starting college.
It’s okay to move at a different pace than the people around you. Weeks after moving in I was fine and no longer homesick, but my suite mate was just starting to miss her family. Within the first week, all of the people on my hall were super close, but I couldn’t seem to find my fit; however, I realized that in order to feel better, I had to start acknowledging that the pace I’m moving in is okay. Whether you’re a freshman that is just now feeling homesick or a junior that had a lot of trouble leaving home this year – it is okay. Be patient and take care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you.
Find your personal balance. Sometimes you have to sit in your room and watch Netflix. Sometimes you need to take a nap. Sometimes you want to have your door open and let people come hang out. Sometimes you want to go out. Whatever you feel, do it.
You do not have to meet your life long best friends immediately. Be patient; however, don’t discredit the impact that building a community here can do for you. Don’t lock yourself in your room every day. Push yourself to find a balance between self-care and trying new things. I personally had to spend some time in my room within the first few days, get familiar with my new space and then invite people in. Everyone’s balance is different.
And not matter what, It will get better. If you’re feeling alone, scared or frustrated with yourself because you can’t get out and make the memories like you want to, just hold on. Take it from someone that has been there and will probably go through it again: it will get better. Don’t discredit how far you have already come. Talk to someone about it and know that, despite how alone you feel, there are so many people going through exactly what you have.
As for everyone else, it’s time to stop pushing people to “just get out there.” Supporting someone in this season, despite the struggles they’re facing, is vitally important. The hardships are very real and that is okay. It’s time to talk about the realistic, no fun parts of college and life in general, because mental health is a real battle that should not be watered down.
