In case you haven’t heard, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are expecting their first baby. And no, we are not being “Punk’d!”—Eh? Eh?!
There are so many things right about this couple that I cannot put them into words, but just knowing they were destined to be together from the time they were coupled on “That 70s Show” is enough to make me cry happy tears and believe that love is reeeeeeaaaal, folks! There are not many things that make you feel as warm and fuzzy inside as this new baby, but here are some things that are (almost) as perfect as their future offspring.
1. A family of corgis chasing after butterflies in an English garden on a crisp spring day.
Just picture it: Not just one corgi, but five…all named after members of the royal family. You sit in a lounge chair with your morning tea. “Prince Harry, don’t wander too far,” you say. “It’s almost time for our daily snuggle time!” Stop the cuteness. Stop it right now.
2. A baby sloth lounging in a tree, perhaps munching on a banana.
Sloths are majestic creatures (a close second to the corgi) and their lazy demeanor creates either a surreal sense of calm or a Kristen Bell-worthy reaction in all that look upon them. WHY CAN’T I HAVE A SLOTH ALL THE TIME?!
3. Taking off your bra after a long day.
Let’s just go on and admit it: There is (almost) nothing more perfect than the moment you unclasp your bra and let the girls go free. Except…maybe…the Kunis spawn.
4. The first bite of a cupcake on your “cheat day.”
Dieting is hard work and it is nice to treat yourself once and a while. That first bite after a long week of exercise and calorie counting creates the perfect mixture of comfort and happiness that we all know and love.
5. The moment you decide to hit “Snooze.”
Some people dread this moment, but it is a moment when you are in complete and utter control of your life. A moment when you quite literally make a decision that could make or break your morning. There is perfection in that power: Fear it, protect it, love it.
6. The first (drunk) bite of Taco Bell at 2 a.m.
Because for one shining moment, the calories do not count and it is you and your Crunchwrap Supreme against the world.
7. Finding a $20 bill in your pocket.
It’s hard to believe anything could beat the feeling of unexpectedly finding money in your pocket. It prompts you to yell things like, “Hey, look! Free money!” even though that is an anomaly and you know it and everyone around you knows it.
8. A cathartic evening of YouTube engagement videos, a tub of ice cream and/or bottle of wine.
Don’t pretend you haven’t done it. If you’re single, you watch these videos and are either so bitter that you cry, or so happy that love exists that you cry or find them so cheesy that you laugh until you cry. If you’re taken, you dream of the day your significant other will propose and probably cry. Either way, it is a vicious tug-of-war with your emotions that is both a little embarrassing and a little perfect all at the same time. Also, there’s ice cream.
Although all of these things are perfect in their own way, it is hard to believe that they could top the sight of the genetically blessed, soon-to-be child of Kunis.
Opens up carton of ice cream and starts openly weeping for the Kunis baby.
CANNOT HOLD ALL THE FEELS.