What Do You Do?

The other day I had two instances of people asking me this strange question, “so what do you do?”

Let me start out by explaining the conversations behind this. I had conversations with two strangers on Saturday, one before the game, and one after. The conversation was about drinking, which led me to tell them that I chose not to drink, and then they asked me why. I explained to them that I have lived the party life and really just found myself wanting something more. It was just never satisfying to me. I used to think going to a party, getting drunk out of my mind, and hooking up with random guys was what was going to make me happy and make me feel like I was worth something. On the inside I was hurting, dying to be someone else. Someone I didn’t know how to become. I was searching for something, but I didn’t quite know what it was.

The morning after the party always left me feeling empty, worthless and used. Not only did I feel like complete shit, but I knew that I had lost complete control over who I was the night before. I honestly felt defeated. I was finding my identity in this and I didn’t like it. The beginning of my junior year in high school, I decided that my identity came from who God said I was, not what my peers around me thought. I didn’t feel like I needed to drink to feel loved or worthy of anyone. Yes, I have partied a few times since then, but I honestly couldn’t help but feel sorry for everyone around me, including myself. We were all drinking to hide pain, feel accepted and to be noticed.

So after I explained this (in fewer words) to these strangers they asked, “so if you don’t drink, what do you do on the weekends…?” Honestly, this question made me laugh. But then I thought back to when drinking was my life. I just thought that’s what everyone did and that I had to do it too. In a way, I felt sad for them because they’ve lost sight of the fact that you can have fun without it. My friends and I choose not to drink and we hang out almost every night of the week and have an amazing time. We never feel like we’re missing out when we see the people around us come back wasted from Five Points. We know that there is more to life. We spend our time having real conversations, laughing together and loving each other. From experience, I know that drinking can be fun in the moment, but in the end it only leaves us feeling empty and searching for something more, whether we want to admit it or not.

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