the heart bears me
a babe birthed anew
in every broken beat
every melody strummed on
the fragile strings that keep me
moving, breathing, feeling
popping poetry like pills
i let the words slide through my lungs
the air of broken hearts
and unsteady limbs supporting
my concaving soul
i stack words like beams
sturdy in their strength, with lines
intertwined
i drink myself giddy
empty bottles litter the ground,
labels reading
euphoria
sunrises
all of the colors in the world
i drown myself in joy
until i am treading water
until i can no longer touch all of the sadness
sunken to the bottom
it lurks, my monster in the closet
the one i cannot see
but know is there
i plug my nose, count to three and dive on two
reverse, reverse, reverse
arms carving through the water
my palm meets the pain
i am grasping at it in fistfuls
the pulse of my heart sending it
swirling, spiraling into the waters above
until i am breathing air
the water suddenly shown only
on my drenched body, prickled and shaking
i pull at my skin, my hair, my eyes
for swimming to the bottom
collecting heartbreak like seashells
my cheeks now wet
from salty tears
i turn to my nightly prescription bottle
of affirmations
i use my night light to guide me back
to the waters i know
drink euphoria and sunrises and colors
until i am floating
a babe once again
born anew in every pulse of this fragile heart
before bed, i touch my thumb to its center
and paint all of the wild colors
down my arms, each stroke
a promise not to dive deep again
my heart now barren on my sleeve
it tickles in the way all promises do
that are made to be undone
but floating now, i greet the sun
and whisper to myself
happy birthday
