LinkedIn: the Professional Network

Photos by Brennan Booker

LinkedIn. Heard of it? It’s the breath-of-fresh-air social network that isn’t afraid to self-righteously declare just how not a social network it is. This is a professional network. 

Yes, yes! Finally, my friends-- no, my Connections! Hark, Connections! 

Finally, a platform upon which we may do away with the drivel of social media and truly get down to brass tacks (that’s an idiom that professionals use if you were wondering). 

No more selfies of your weird aunt here (professional headshots don’t count), or statuses from your awful ex-boyfriend (besides the ones about his every success), or stupid, childish memes (besides stupid, childish political cartoons). We’re grown-ups now. 

Take a scroll with me: 

In between articles from The Economist, we have a deeply meaningful, personal anecdote shared by an HR professional who plagiarized it from another HR professional. Next up, the inspirational story of the 23-year-old CTO of a startup which delivers food to you that-- get this-- isn’t normally available for delivery! And all this? It’s followed by several blog posts entitled “37 Things I Discovered About Myself While Studying Abroad” written by someone named Sarah or Hannah. 

Don’t you get it yet, you blue-collar Facebook user? We’re not talking about plebian Twitter arguments about gun control. We’re talking about professional discourse about gun control with an “AMERICAN BUSINESS PROFESSIONAL 35+ YEARS EXPERIENCE,” or at least that’s what his tagline says. 

This is what it looks like when working professionals communicate: incredibly divisive political posts, completely inappropriate advances toward women, and unending advertisements for pyramid scheme door-to-door businesses. 

This is a place where everyone can feel safe to proclaim how much of a difference they’re making in the world, as long as they work in recruiting. This is a place where we don’t have to address the ethical quandary of endorsing a stranger for a skill we have no clue if they have. 

So go ahead, post your ACT scores for the world to see.

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