Burritos are one of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind. Forget Johannes Gutenberg’s printing press and Alexander Graham Bell’s telephone. Burritos are an art form: an entire, well-rounded meal wrapped up neatly in a tortilla. Truly flawless in conception. Burritos were artfully designed to make the eating experience a pleasurable, portable one. The guy who invented the burrito should be in the history books. He should be in the dictionary next to “genius.”
Why, when a food is so well-designed, would anyone not bother to actually utilize that ingenuity? Burritos basically have a blueprint for how to make them, so why do people disregard those instructions entirely? I have been pushed to the edge with improper burrito-wrapping. The first few times I saw a burrito sadly smashed in half by a reckless consumer, its contents spilling out — a silent cry for help — I kept my mouth shut, thinking to myself, “It’s simple. You fold the ends in and then wrap the sides together snugly.” I was very wrong. Soon, every time I watched someone roll a burrito for themselves, I realized that absolutely no one cared to learn how to properly craft a burrito (barring the work force dealing with them daily). People were actually content needing to use a fork to pick up the remains of a cursorily made burrito. Clearly, burrito-making is much harder than I thought considering only one in 10 people can correctly roll one (don’t cite me on this, I have no scientific evidence to back it up, I’m just angry).
When something has been so immaculately crafted, it’s more than just general carelessness. Carelessness is leaving your nachos to sit too long in your ground beef grease and letting them get soggy. You knew that would happen, and you let it. Here, you don’t even care to determine how to correctly roll the thing, which is disrespectful from the beginning. When you curl up in a blanket, you don’t want your toes hanging out of the end, right? How do you think your Mexican-blend cheese feels? Probably awful.
Now you may be thinking, “Good grief, Megan, there are more important things in the world than poorly wrapped burritos.” And you’d be correct. Perhaps I should’ve ranted about loud, open-mouth chewers instead. Alas, though, people who so blatantly ignore all the rules of burrito-making — be it overstuffing to the point of tearing, letting the contents spill out of the end like a heathen or, God forbid, using a fork to eat it — will forever be one of my biggest issues with people today. Learn the craft, or just buy a burrito bowl instead.
