In light of the recent NFL bullying scandal (I say that with caution), involving Miami Dolphins players Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin, I want to touch on the culture of a football team and the things that go inside the locker room regarding toughness.
As a culture, many parents, especially fathers, look to football to instill certain qualities in their sons that will help them in competition on the field and in life. You’ll hear the general spiel about learning teamwork, integrity, accountability and discipline. But one that many seem to forget about is toughness, because it is so obvious. We want to teach these traits because, within our society, that is what the ideal man is supposed to be (perceivably and speaking in generalities, of course). When a little boy falls, he is told not to cry and complain because boys do not do that. When a little girl falls, we run to her side and comfort her, validating her feelings and telling her that it is okay to feel vulnerable.
Vulnerability is a trait not welcome in football and in life for men in general. Even though it is human to feel vulnerable, it is not manly and this is why toughness is regarded so highly, it has to compensate for that vulnerability. Toughness is a trait football players, coaches and fans live and die by. Being tough can earn you unending respect within a locker room. You might not be that good of a player, but if you are tough you will have the respect of everyone on the team. You should be respected for trying, tough or not. But usually that is not the way it is. When a player is not a tough guy, a certain light gets cast on him. He is not respected. No one takes him seriously, and anything that sounds close to complaining, even if it is legitimate, is taken as whining. Relating to the hazing that went on with the Jonathan Martin situation, the more sensitive guys in the locker room are going to be the targets. Usually, these pranks and jokes come from a good place, trying to bring a guy out of his shell.
And a lot of the time it works, a guy comes out of his shell, buys into the culture of the team and toughens up a bit from the new confidence he has from his “acceptance” socially on the team. But some guys revert even more into themselves and pretty much become a ghost on the team. They never talk, they just go through the motions in practice, go to games, play a bit, stand on the sideline, clap and yell when it is appropriate, maybe talk to a teammate in a similar position and then go home. Under conventional thought, one would think the coaches would try to include these players in on the fun in a sense and get them to open up. They do, but they can only do so much, and most of the time they give up on the socially weaker players and leave them be.
Toughness is more important than people think it is in football; it makes you or breaks you, socially and physically. In an environment where testosterone is always running high, any type of weakness is going to be sensed and keyed on by the group. And either they are going to fix it or weed it out. That is basically what happened with Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin. Incognito, one of the team leaders who is respected by everyone in the locker room. And Martin, the second-year player from Stanford who was good player but not a tough one in the eyes of the others. It was Incognito’s job to lift Martin up. I’m not condoning his actions whatsoever, but I am saying that is the way it is in most if not all locker rooms.