With a few simple and cheap tricks, you can easily avoid being “that guy/girl” who can’t maintain DHEC standards. I can’t guarantee that you’ll be able to cover up all of last night’s mistakes, but follow these steps, and you should be able to bullsh!t your professors and peers into thinking you have some sort of hygiene criterion.
Hair maintenance is key. Greasy, oily bed-head is a dead giveaway that you didn’t shower. Boys, just running a wet comb through your hair should do the trick. If you really want to go the extra mile, invest in some gel or pomade to get that faux, just-out-of-the-shower look. Girls, if you haven’t already been acquainted, let me introduce you to dry shampoo and baby powder; they’ll be your new best friends.
One of the biggest red (literally) flags of letting yourself go? Red eyes. Whether you pulled an all-nighter cramming or surrounded yourself with vices, odds are your hundreds of little capillaries will give you away. A bottle of eye drops, preferably the cooling kind, will relieve redness considerably. Also, girls, those green-tinted cover-up sticks can help with bags and under-eye circles, not just zits. Freshen your make-up, too; the raccoon look hasn’t worked for anyone since “The Addams Family.”
A quick swipe over your T-zone (the forehead, nose and chin) with an oil-blotting sheet will keep people from thinking your night ended at Grilled Teriyaki. You can get the sheets at any drug or grocery store.
Always keep a pack of gum or Listerine strips on you; no one likes grossbreath. If you’re really in a pinch and need to mask the odor of anything and everything you ingested last night, remember the classic toothpaste-on-the-finger trick. Taking care of your breath may be the most important step, so do not underestimate it.
It can also never hurt to reapply deodorant. Enough said.
Hi, this isn't Clemson. Leave pajama bottoms, slippers and undershirts at home. Sports bras and basketball shorts belong at the gym. A dress is a simple, cute and comfortable outfit that will give the illusion of putting thought into your appearance even though it’s an all-in-one choice. Boys, I don’t think that jeans and a free USC apartment/club T-shirt are too much to ask for, and you shouldn’t ever wear your Hanes sweatpants from the 10th grade in public. Absolutely never wear what you wore out the night before. Not only do you run the risk of being called out for it, but there’s no way your outfit still smells like the Downey and dryer sheets with which you washed it. We’ll all know whether or not you’ve been home.
Get rid of any and all markings on the back of your hand, whether it’s a huge, embarrassing X or some sort of 21+ animated stamp. Chapstick, surprisingly, will get it right off.
Last, but not least down an Emergen-C on your way out the door. Not only will a Red Bull make you look too eager and contribute to your nausea, but your crash a few hours later will let the cat out of the bag, and everyone will know that you’ve just been bullsh!tting.
Use our flowchart below to figure out if you need to worry about that hygiene right now or later. (Created by Caitlin Kennedy Bradley)
