Clothes: The most important part about a Gamecock football game (besides the game — maybe) is your choice in clothes. What you wear is critical in determining if you really belong, and as a pseudo-fan, my advice is to not go too crazy with your style until you have a better grasp of the game.
So, guys, don’t paint your chests. Don’t wear jerseys — you aren’t Stephen Garcia. A simple black, white or garnet t-shirt with khaki shorts will do.
Girls, buy those Gamecock face stickers in bulk. And even if you have that great six-pack summer bod, don’t wear just a sports bra. Everyone has heard about the black dress phenomenon, and if you haven’t, you shouldn’t be in the South. Make it look like you spent hours scouring the racks of Columbia boutiques by throwing on a pair of garnet beads or buying a dress with some kind of bow, frills or belt. Black dresses aren’t mandatory; garnet ones work, too, but be sure not to cross over into that awkward maroon-y, purple-y color. That’s how we point out the newbs.
Probably everyone’s most important accessory is the large Bojangles’ cup. Even if you have to pick it up off the ground, it scores automatic cool points.
Location: Once you look like a true fan, find the perfect spot to set up shop. To get there, never use a map, and never request directions. Realize that the Greek tailgates are a wee bit different than the stadium parking lot tailgates and that you run the risk of being creeped on by straight randos if you pick the wrong place. Follow the college students, not the beer-bellied, trucker-hat-wearing drunkards.
Cheer: Ticket scanned, drinks bought and seat found, you find yourself in the midst of the Carolina football game. Where to go from here? Cheer your ass off. Though the chants may seem silly, timing of these cheers is crucial, and execution is vital. If that is too difficult, watch the ball, and say, “Go (insert player number here)!” It’s a foolproof plan to make it seem likeyou know what’s going on.
High-fives can be your best friends, worst enemies or frenemies. Don’t be overzealous; only high-five strangers after a touchdown.
Don’t sit down unless everyone around you has. Period.
Love your cocks, but don’t get too cocky.
Understand that heat exhaustion and over-drunkenness ARE possible, and you WILL be escorted out by a stadium cop — and they are legit.
Keep all this in mind, and a true fan could be born. This infallible plan will have you bullshitting even the most serious fan at Williams-Brice Stadium.
Think You Don’t Know Anything About Gamecock Football?
By Will Saitta
Check Out These Horror Stories:
Last year, I finally convinced one of my friends to go to his first Carolina football game. He wore ripped jeans and a black Guns N’ Roses T-shirt. Then, in front of everybody (and halfway through the second quarter), he asks me, “What color are we?”
To the girl I saw at the Georgia game: Yes, tailgating is fun — no, getting wheeled out after the second play because you had too much “juice” is not fun. I am all for tailgating, but come on! If you can’t even make it past “Sandstorm,” you need to reevaluate. Also, do you really want to have to do the roll-of-shame past all your friends and classmates? “Oh yeah! You’re the girl who passed out!”
Last year, I was at the Carolina-Clemson game (which we won 34-17), and I witnessed the most unforgivable of sins: Clemson had the ball — they were driving, and somebody made a big play. The student section was booing and shouting, but this one girl a couple rows in front of me was clapping. She wore a Carolina shirt and even had those temporary tattoos on her face, so at this point I was just confused. Well, somebody decided to call her out on it, and her defense was: “What? He’s cute. I always clap for the cute ones.” No, you don’t. You clap when we win, and you clap louder when Clemson loses!