For several months, rumors have circulated that the lithe 5-foot-11-inch man who dresses up as Waldo at USC football games is none other than Mr. William Hoskins, a mild-mannered Honors College Residence Hall RM. Unfortunately, we were unable to actually find Mr. Hoskins for an interview, so for the sake of our deadline, we’ve just assumed this Waldo-like figure is him. Also, all the quotes within this article are entirely fabricated.

“I’m just trying to find myself,” Waldo tells us. “Some mornings, I wake up face-down in one of those ‘Where’s Waldo?’ books, and I’ve scribbled circles around myself in the picture and written ‘NEXT TIME, HIDE BETTER, LOSER.’”

Mr. Hoskins makes a perfect Waldo. His physique makes him unrecognizable in a crowd, and yet he stands out with endless optimism and energy. Mr. Hoskins’ alternate personality allows him to leave the excitement of his normal life and to blend in with the masses -- sort of like if Superman just used Clark Kent to get away on the weekends.

“I dress like Waldo because in high school, we had a lot of Wills, so everyone called me Waldo,” Mr. Hoskins tells other, more boring reporters. Thankfully, with us he is more straightforward.

“Well, I first started dressing up as Waldo after I was kidnapped as a young child. The newspapers had on the headline ‘WHERE’S WALDO?’ in big black letters,” Waldo says with a chuckle.  “So I guess, looking back, being trapped in a closet and forced to sleep in my own filth for four years had a bright side, too.”

“Unfortunately, by this time my parents’ marriage had disintegrated,” Waldo adds brightly.  “I went to live with my Uncle Bo, a raging alcoholic. Sometimes on Saturday nights, we would play this game where I would hide from him. He would yell, ‘Where’s Waldo? Where’s Waldo?’ It was hilarious. Well, until he would find me.” Waldo shakes his head.

Today, Mr. Hoskins has escaped his demons.  “I am a deeply religious man,” Waldo tells us. “In fourth grade, I asked ‘Are you there, God? It’s me, Waldo,’ and God spoke to me and said: ‘Standeth thee not next to so many people who are also wearing red, and I shall offer thee guidance. Right now I have a headache, and I can’t stare at this for much longer.’”

Mr. Hoskins is energetically involved with philanthropic efforts on campus. In addition to his duties as an RM, he works closely with Cocky’s Reading Express in a sub-group called Cocky’s Impossible Picture Book Challenge. He offers this advice to discouraged elementary school children in his I-Spy seminar: “It’s okay that you didn’t find the magnifying glass. Greater men than you have simply given up and moved on to books with words in them.”

Mr. Hoskins’ generosity is even more apparent on the individual level.

“I like to play a fun game where I dress up as Waldo at the football games,” he says. “When anyone finds me, I give them $25. Seriously, anyone! Just ask.”