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Bullsh!tting: How To Pretend You're Southern (or a Yankee)

When I find time to eat at Russell House these days, I notice a lot of things that bring me back to those first few months of school—and in particular, I notice freshmen. Yes, you—schedule in hand, sporting a Carolina hoodie with a Carolina fitted and Carolina gym shorts, cashing in your 16-meal plan at Chick-fil-A. Here are the freshest 15 tips and tricks from a student who’s been in your Rainbows to help you break the first-year stereotype and fool us all.

Don’t get me wrong — I do love the Super Bowl. But after stuffing my face and cheering for teams that I never care about (except when the Panthers went — ha!), it gets kind of old.

So unless Reggie Bush runs his beautiful body onto the field or Janet Jackson loses her top (both of which will not happen this year), then I’m not invested. And if you’re participating in Super Bowl activities that don’t include watching the game, then I assume you aren’t either.

So if you’re not a Packers, Steelers or Super Bowl fan in general, here are a few ways to pretend you watched (and enjoyed) the misery they call the biggest game of the year.

You know that hot, hippie chick from oceanography? The one with the long blonde hair and big blue eyes? Guess what? She’s not there for the free trip to the beach, and she’s definitely not going to go out with you if she finds that you only write on the front of your notebook paper. So, listen up, you resource-depleting nature-hater! I’ve got a temporary and deceitful solution to your planet-killing problem.