- Take some time away from your drinking to notice one play. Don’t try to name it or get too specific. (“Did you see that fake-‘n’-go that [insert player's name here] did with three minutes left in the third quarter? Sahweeeet.”) Instead try, “Did you see how fast [player's name] ran?”
- If watching/memorizing a play is too much, notice the players’ looks. If I watch the Super Bowl with my family, my mom always says, “Oooh, that quarterback is cute.” Or with my friends: “Oooh, look at the behind on that one.” Check out the players when they take their helmets off, and talk about that for the rest of the week — but make sure you use correct names.
- This goes without saying (because so many people watching the game are specifically watching for the commercials), but watch a few commercials to get an idea of some of them. If you missed the dumbest or funniest commercial … you’re busted. Perhaps search “Super Bowl commercials” in Google or something, but make sure they were actually aired. Fun fact: Advertisers pay around $2.7 million for one 30-second ad. Where is all this money going?
- Finally, share your leftover Super Bowl feast with your friends. If they don’t believe you watched and enjoyed the game, at least this will take their minds off it.
Congrats, you bullsh!ted your way through the Super Bowl. Now you just have to get through it once a year for the rest of your life.
