After undertaking the brunt of an obscene and unbelievable number of awful pick-up lines this weekend, I'm left wondering where the hell people come up with this shit.
The least original of which: "Mm girl, I loove redheads" is heard between four to six times.
The most original but even more hilarious: "Mm girl, you smell like Olay."
REALLY?! Because I'm wearing Nina Ricci.
Not to mention that being told that you smell like a generic brand (like, what do they even make? anti-aging creme?) is probably the least attractive thing you can say to someone.
Is the human language really in this big of a recession? Where the f*** are the poets of this world? The closest I got was a bearded hippie-esque man telling me my eyes looked psychedelic, which I actually appreciated--more for the stereotypical novelty of the situation than anything else.
Gentlemen! Get your shit together.
Honestly though, I find this disaster extremely easy to blame on the lack of literature in popular culture and the excess of "I fell in love with shawty when I seen her on the Dance floor. She was dancing sexy, pop, pop, popping, dropping, dropping low." Okay, Usher. You make me wanna "oh-oh my-y god (stfu)."
Of course we don't listen to this music for its lyrics (I mean I'll do it for a bomb-ass remix), but like, you have to admit they stick with us and probably are about 87% responsible for the stupid shit I have to hear come out of peoples mouths.
Here are eight lyrics that piss me off, make me say "ew, what the f***?" and wonder why the hell John Lennon is dead:
1) Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you, but I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone. (not only is that physically impossibe, it annoys me to think about people actually trying to do it.)
2) Any Ke$ha song, ever. (trashy-ass shit)
3) Cause I'm a Gypsy...I'll steal your clothes and wear them, if they fit me. (what?! Gypsies? not cute. and you're rich as f***, shakira.)
4) Make me a drink cause I really really really want you. (really really really? don't you want a man to BUY you a drink? that at least shows he's possibly got some financial stability...or something)
5)
6) Last night I was drunk, I don't remember much, 'cept for rollin' over, thats how gone I was. (date rape, much? not okay.) For extra fun, here's the Cheetah Girl's response
7) Just gonna stand there and here me cry, well that's all right because I love the way you lie. (really? since when is being an abusive relationship something to love Rihanna?)
8) Sex on a beach, we get sand in our stilettos, we freak in my jeep, so do the doggie on the stereo. (so..many...sexual...
