Ninety percent of the time that I tell my friends I’m headed up to my office, it’s followed by, “Garnet & Black has an office? Where?” At this point, I’m pretty certain they’re convinced I’m lying. Arguably the Narnia of USC’s Student Union, the Student Media wing lies behind a deceivingly small glass doorway adjacent to the Carolina Styles Hair Salon. Yes – there is a hair salon in Russell House.

The first door you’ll encounter on the right is that of the Student Advertising office. Here you’ll find most of the Student Media “bros.” This is where a team of hand-picked students work to make sure the rest of us can afford to do what we do. In and out of the office on sales calls, the ad representatives are usually the better dressed of us, often sporting business casual blazers and pencil skirts. This is good news to us because if it were up to me in my Under Armour spandex post-workout, we probably wouldn’t have been able to afford to print this fourth issue.

Next you’ll stroll past the faculty offices of Business Manager Kristine Capps, Advertising Manager Sarah Scarborough, the Director of Student Media, Scott Lindenberg and Creative Director Edgar Santana, who are all generally friendly faces (depending on the severity of whichever insane crisis we students conjured up that day). If Student Media were a human body, these people would comprise the system in charge of breathing (note: I’m not a science major).

Split into two spacious rooms for production and news, the Daily Gamecock staffers work literally around the clock to produce the fine reading material you peruse every morning during your Einstein bagel breakfast or extended bathroom break. With plenty of student shenanigans to cover daily, writers, editors, photographers and designers can be spotted at every school event, yet few know where the publication all comes together. Bringing in $550, 000 of revenue each year, DG is the Godzilla of Student Media segments.

Tucked away in a room slightly larger than Harry Potter’s with a lot of fancy equipment I can’t begin to comprehend, is SGTV, or Student Gamecock Television. With shows like Capital City Sports, XTOX and Talk of the Town, SGTV produces much of the broadcast materials shown on USC’s Campus Channel 4. Having won several awards, this team of talented students is always camera ready to snag interviews with campus celebrities and peers seeking their very own 15 minutes of fame.

I won’t spend much time painting a picture of Garnet & Black’s space for two reasons: One, if you’re reading this article, you’ve got a pretty good grasp on our finished product (pun intended) and two, since you probably imagine our office being run much like the one in Devil Wears Prada with plenty of high-fashion and Starbucks, a room full of Mac desktops and old yearbooks will probably be a little disappointing to you.

Lastly, tucked away at the end of the hall is the magical music haven known as WUSC. Operating almost as its own separate entity, student DJ’s can be seen coming and going between the hours of 8 a.m. to... well, 8 a.m. With live programming run nearly 24/7, WUSC can be heard blaring campus-wide in cars, headphones and dorms on 90.5 FM. Whether you love opera, jazz or rock and roll, there’s something for every music connoisseur on this station (unless, of course, you’re looking for hits off the iTunes top 100 list).

No matter what your calling is, there’s something for nearly everyone up in Student Media. Although we may look the part, in reality most of us have no idea what we’re doing, so don’t ever feel shy about stopping by. Even in the wee hours of the night, there’s likely some poor nocturnal soul to keep you company up here.

Fall 2012: Superlatives

At present, lazy Americans all over the country are rejoicing in the midst of the four-week-long television series premiere season. At least people in the workplace have something new to talk about around the water cooler and college students have new things to tweet about that aren’t TFM’s or grievances over the new Facebook layout (spoiler alert, it’s going to change every year). Nope, now my news feed is congested with 50+ people every Wednesday night, all re-capping exactly what happened during Glee in such exquisite detail that I don’t even need to watch it to know who Rachel pissed off this week.

TV Guide is excited because this is the one time a year they actually have something to do. However, I do commend them for putting together such an extensive almanac for all-things fall television and do recommend that you check out the link above.

Since I’ve been in college, I can’t say that I’ve been following much TV (sue me, I’ve been busy being productive), but there are a few things that I’ve tried to keep up with.

House

Believe it or not, Hugh Laurie has been a sarcastic ass for eight seasons, and it still works. Although many of the medical cases have become a bit routine and predictable (it’s never lupus and House is never right on his first, second or third diagnosis) the plot has become a much more prominent element of the show. With the inevitable romance of Dr. House and Lisa Cuddy finally at a head, TV Guide tells us that the new season’s opener picks up a year later from where the show left off (House driving through Cuddy’s home in a fit of jealousy after seeing her with another man) with Dr. House having spent a good part of that time in jail. Lisa Edelstein (Cuddy) has decided to leave the show, subbing one of Dr. House’s colleagues in her position, stirring up a sure-fire game changer. Be sure to check it out Monday, October 3 at 9 pm.

The Office

Has NBC given loyal Office fans an appropriate length of time to mourn the loss of Michael Scott before attempting to start up a new season? Granted, there has been some hearsay about Steve Carrell making a few cameo appearances in the future, but I think we have all come to terms with the fact that the show will never be the same again. After last season’s epic fail of an ending (a montage of fake bosses i.e. Jim Carrey, Ray Romano and Will Ferrell), it’s hard to believe that this season will be much better. With Andy (“The Hangover”’s Ed Helms) appointed as the new boss, there’s really only one direction in which this season can go; downhill. The show premiered last week but you can catch it Thursdays at 9pm. Don’t get your hopes up or you might be disappointed... that’s what she said.

Gossip Girl

I never thought one of my high school guilty pleasures would still be alive and kicking by the time I made it through two years of college, but Gossip Girl has managed to keep fans intrigued in a plot that gets juicier with every season. The cast is growing up now but that clearly doesn’t stop them from their Upper East Side frivolities and now trans-continental adventures. The good news? According to TV Guide, the ever so moody Jenny and hovering Vanessa have been written out of New York City, at least temporarily. With the show premiering tonight, hopefully we take at least a few baby steps in finding out who is the real snitch behind it all. When can you watch it? That’s one secret I’ll never tell. Just kidding, it’s on Mondays at 8. You know you love me, XOXO.

There are plenty more shows on the radar this month, so be sure to wipe out your DVR and let your TiVo know what’s up. Of course, there are about 14 new “CSI” premieres, the new (and probably improved) “Two and a Half Men,” and the on-point “Modern Family,” as well. Just remember that Hulu was launched for a reason and the season premiere of “Private Practice” (Thursday, September 29 at 10 pm) will never be worth the sacrifice of a Thirsty Thursday.

If I had a nickel for every time I overheard, “So can I find you on Facebook?” I’d have enough money to pay for five years of an eHarmony account. Call me old-fashioned, but I never expected to exist in a world so depersonalized that engagements could be broken up over text messages.

When it comes down to it, it’s all Cinderella’s fault; if she’d never lost the glass slipper off her foot, she never would’ve had that stud search region-wide to track her down only to live happily ever after. After watching this utterly unrealistic depiction of how love is found, girls create this fantasy world in which prince charming is not only out there somewhere, but accessible. This hope is promptly shattered after the appearance of a girl’s first pimple in middle school and the douchebag “football stars” of high school hit their peak.

Of course college will be better, right? Talk about a rude awakening. The worst part is Facebook has managed to supply an outlet for boys to be even less than subpar the minute that Zuckerberg guy launched it. They can now see any and all personal information about you just by looking through your profile pictures... who you hang out with, what you wear, who your ex’s are, and worst of all, how you looked before you realized that untagging unflattering pictures is crucial.

They judge you before they’ve even met you. And once they’ve met you, you can guarantee that nine times out of ten they certainly won’t ask you for your phone number, just your last name so they can be sure to yield a narrow search within your school’s network.

This is not to say there aren’t a few winners out there. An incident occurred last weekend that actually embarrassed the bias out of me (boys get your notepads out because this nifty little trick will put you way ahead of the game and requires minimal effort on your part). I met a guy downtown last weekend through a mutual friend of my roommate’s who I had a more than decent conversation with outside for about half an hour. At the end of the conversation I said, “Well it was just lovely to meet you but I’m sure you don’t remember my name. To be honest, yours has slipped my memory, but maybe I’ll run into you soon.” My face turned redder than a cherry tomato when he responded with, “Nice to meet you too, Jordan.” Oops.

Let’s be real, that never happens. My freshman year I learned not to waste brain power on names of people that I meet downtown because those boys are almost always out for one thing, and one thing only. It’s sad how something so little surprised me, but on a college campus that’s considered a rarity. Horse drawn carriages are a little over the top, but a text message is hardly an all-star effort. Ask a girl for her number, and don’t you dare expect her to make the first effort after you half-ass text her your name.

Girls deserve to be treated like princesses (well, most of them), and although we know Prince Charming looked a little too put-together in that ridiculous 1950’s suit, I don’t think a “stone-age” voicemail is too much to ask.

Not. Picking up the latest diet fad doesn’t necessarily work, and even if you don’t care to admit it, we’ve all been there, done that. Whether it’s low-carb, no-sugar, all-fruit, only eggs or even an air diet (yes, it does exist), it’s guaranteed that everyone who picks it up sees different results. From Atkins to Slim Fast, there are dozens of new FDA-approved (and unapproved) regimens that pop up in commercials yearly.

You know that guy. The one in your Friday 8 a.m. who looks like he was hit by a truck and has the stench of an ashtray.

How about that girl? The one who’s clearly doing a walk of shame and has the messed-up hair and mascara to prove it.

Now, I’m fully aware that this is purely a blog, not some sort of self-help domain or a forum for religious discussion. (I’m Jewish, so I’ve already got the minority complex on my side, but don’t worry — that’s besides the point.) Obviously a vast majority of my friends are Christian, and that’s something I’ve become as comfortable with as Easter eggs and Christmas trees. All of that said, I want to share an experience I had a couple of weeks ago in Charleston.

Here’s the thing. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who hate Valentine’s Day because they aren’t being wined and dined by Johnny Bravo, and those indifferent about the self-proclaimed holiday because they’ve been spoiled year-round by the men of their dreams. Let’s be realistic here for a moment and break this down.