Monday, 19 September 2011 03:33

A Darker Side of Childhood Classics

Written by  Zack Mattioni
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There exists a dark side to the seemingly innocuous movies we all loved as kids.  It’s a jarring, offsetting revelation that one never expects (sort of like finding out the guy who wrote “Dilbert" is an ass who hates women and pretends to be his own biggest fan). So kick back, relax and prepare to have your childhood ruined because here are some classics that are downright sinister.

 

Willy Wonka and the Seven Deadly Sins.

 

Ok, so there’s this antisocial psychopath whose disgust with the wrong-doings of society leads him to maim and murder individuals according to their vices.   Seriously, the film is just plain sadistic: the fat kid gets drowned in a river of chocolate, the greedy rich girl gets incinerated after trying to get a golden egg and the annoying gum-chewer’s body is permanently deformed into a blueberry.  To top it all off, Wonka, the evil bastard that he is, orders his team of midgets to sing songs mocking the kids’ fates.  And let’s not even get started on the tunnel from Hell...

 

The Lion Führer

 

“The Lion King” is essentially “Richard III” with cats: an ugly, unpopular schemer offs his brother to become king and then gets himself killed by pissing off everyone.  But, there is also another, darker side.  You see, at one point in the film, there is an impromptu Nazi rally featuring marching hyenas.  Meanwhile, Lion Hitler is atop a giant podium going on about how they have to be prepared (for the final solution probably).  It only lasts a couple seconds, but its such a bizarre scene that it stays with you well after the film has ended.  It’s equivalent to having the Exxon Valdez spill kill half the cast of “The Little Mermaid”. Or featuring a song about wanting to rape and murder someone in a movie about talking statues who hang with a guy that looks like Sloth from “the Goonies”.  Oh wait, that actually happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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