I’m not talking about your relationship with the bowl of Cheetos on your lap as you watch America’s Next Top Model or your relationship with your neighbor’s cocker spaniel. This isn’t a self–help guide on how to get the best and sexiest relationship possible in five easy steps. Truly, there is no easy way of having fulfilling and carefree relationships. The complicated and vast universe we inhabit won’t allow for that to happen. But don’t fret; we’ve assembled some things that are necessary to maintain a healthy and happy relationship with your friends, family, significant others and, most importantly, yourself.
Trust
This is probably one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Allowing someone to truly hold your heart, whether it’s your best friend or boyfriend, takes a level of vulnerability that can be both terrifying and liberating. That is why having this sense of trust is so crucial. The thing to remember is that there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship. Just because you’re in a healthy relationship doesn’t mean there won’t be some turbulence. If you have a relationship that’s built on trust, though, it’s less likely that the turbulence will cause you to crash and burn.
Communication
Communication and trust are the perfect couple in themselves; they’ll save you from going down a dark and dreary road. You need both to succeed in any endeavor. Communication is critical because, believe it or not, mind reading is not a common phenomenon. It’s hard to remind ourselves that someone doesn’t realize that what they said or did pisses us off, but you can’t expect other people to know how you feel about everything if you don’t tell them. Set aside time to communicate with those you have a relationship with. This goes both ways though. You should make sure to listen as well as talk. It doesn’t matter if you set aside five minutes each day to call your mom or pull your best friend aside to tell her she kicked ass when she stuck up for you. It’s important to make communication a priority. Stress the positive even more than the negative; be a good example of positive reinforcement. Tell your boyfriend how wonderful he is and tell your dad how grateful you are for him. The point is to express how you feel about whatever it is, instead of keeping it inside.
Respect
A harder concept to grasp, the idea of respecting someone can seem somewhat daunting when put in reference to a relationship with a friend. Keep in mind, however, that a healthy relationship is a wholesome and loving endeavor between you and someone you care about. Respecting who you’re with is critical and, when coupled with communication and trust, can truly bring a sense of wholeness to any relationship whether it’s with your best friend or your mom. No, you don’t have to act “mature” with your best friends and yes, you’re allowed to act like a five-year-old with your girlfriend, but if there is still that underlying understanding of “ I respect you, your beliefs and even the parts of you I don’t agree with,” your relationship is a lot more likely to succeed in the long run.
Stability
There is no rule stating that a relationship has to have been longer than a certain amount of time to be significant. Stability in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to be friends for longer than five years. True stability isn’t measured by time. A healthy relationship is stable because there is a person who helps stabilize the rest of your crazy life. Being in a stable relationship means that you can turn to someone, whether it’s a cousin or friend, and know that they will be there acting as a safeguard when the rest of your world seems to be in chaos. This comfort of knowing someone is there for you through it all is one factor that separates a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one.
Love
You don’t have to be in love with anyone to be in a healthy relationship, that’s not the implication; you can love someone without being IN love. You don’t have to love every one of your friends; love is a deep emotion after all. Much more than making acquaintances, I am talking about maintaining a relationship with someone; an honest, scary and hopefully worthwhile journey with someone you care about. Relationships take work and trust and compassion, and most of all they take love. What is the point of trust, communication, respect and stability if you don’t love the person? It’s a blessing to find those you care about in this life, and to be surrounded by love in its purest form is something that’s both humbling and overwhelming. You are worth relationships that fill you to the brim with love. You are worth relationships that are healthy and fulfilling and most of all loving whether it’s with your mom, best friend, girlfriend or the bowl of Cheetos on your lap.
Each relationship is deeply personal and fulfilling in its own way. There is no equation that will show you what you need to do to make it perfect or get it right. Only time, trust and dedication can do that. There is one person, however, who needs to be the basis for all your other relationships and that’s you. You deserve your own love, respect, compassion and trust more than any other person you will ever have a relationship with. My parents taught me that you have to love yourself before you love anyone else. What a strong and beautiful sentiment. A healthy relationship definitely takes work, but sharing that mutual level of trust and love with someone else is one of the most liberating feelings on the planet, I promise.
